Merry Christmas!

Here's wishing you Happy Holidays!
May joy and happiness snow on you, may the bells jingle for you and may Santa be extra good to you!

Thank you all for being such wonderful blogging friends:)

Merry Christmas & a wonderful New Year!



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~~ Drawing by Me:)

Something that made me cry today

~~ People like this little girl make you stop and think about all the things you have, about all the things you take for granted instead of cherishing them for what they are - gifts.
~~And this little girl makes you wonder where from do people like her take the strength to laugh?
~~ Rest in peace, Shiloh Pepin!

I'm the funniest girl you've ever met......

.....or at least one of the funniest ones:D:D:D:D
~~And this funny girl loves this song:)

~~ Wish you a cool week!!

Spooky Halloween!

~~ Hello there!

~~ I hope you're having a spooky/happy Halloween!
~~ I'll leave you with a poem and with my best wishes of a wonderful weekend!
~~ Hugs your way!!
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One dream, one reality
by T.O.S.

My eyes are now two little holes,
I'm all darkness, light is gone.
Big temptations I now see,
I don't know that deceptions they'll be.

God and faith, they are forgotten
I believe in Satan – my Darkened Master
For he promised to give me all
If I jump into his fiery hole.

Satan come into my dreams
And laughing, he told me this:
Do not go looking for me
For you'll find out there's no need
Cause I shall find you by myself
There's no place to hide from Hell.
For your soul, my dear disciple,
Your enemies I'll hurt and humble.
Guilty temptations in their eyes
I will put to make them fight
For so I'll steal their energy
And make them lie in misery.
With my cunning I allure,
The fallen I make endure.
Their desire’s price is high
Don't you see? I always lie!!
Cause temptations are a mask,
Fire and torture are the rest,
But you, people, are too proud
For a breath Heaven you want.
Usually you're so ignorant
You forget what's most important
Mephisto is my real name
You give your soul, I give you Hell.
You always live in fantasy
And blindly follow my blind alley
Real sinners - that's what I love
There's no escape – not even from the one above
To give my words credibility –
This ain't a dream; it's reality
Girl, you too thought I could be kind
But now, my dear, your soul is mine."

© 2008 The Outlaws' Song

Question for my readers

~~ Okay, so has any of you read the novel entitled Siddhartha by Herman Hesse?
~~ From what I know, Siddhartha was the novel that stood at the foundation of the Flower-Power movement.
~~ I read Demian by H. Hesse and loved it.
~~ So - for those who read Siddhartha - any special impressions or recommendations?
~~ I have the book in .pdf format and I'm looking forward to reading it but wanted your opinion first☺
~~ Thanks ☺ Wish you an incredibly wonderful week!

...but I must find my way

~~ Sometimes my mind seems not big enough to fully comprehend why people act the way they do. I am not able to understand the reasons for hatred, malice, malevolence.
I do no understand why people, to whom once you have stretched a helping hand, choose to become ignorant to your needs.
~~I prefer to believe in and focus on the good half of each individual I encounter. I live with the conviction that each person carries Light and Goodness within it. And that there is something valuable in each of us - a talent, a virtue, a lesson, an idea.
~~ But many times I have been proven to be wrong. And many have answered to my goodness and empathy with malice and ignorance. And that hurts.....a lot.
~~ This poem below is not a very flucky piece of poetry but I'll share it with you.
It was written as a response to another poem, written by someone else. The other poem had a totally different message and was written in a very self-centered way - that's why I felt the need to write this one down.
~~ Here in this picture is my grandma, my wonderful and dearly loved grandma. She taught me to be good and show kindness to everyone.
~~ Thank you for stopping by, for bearing with me and sticking around:)
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The Good Man
by 2na/T.O.S

The Good Man …

The Good Man is there,

Not pure, not perfect, not a saint

But The Good Man is there

Born by the power of God and all angels

Made by the power of own choice and will.

The Good Man is there-

Fighting his demons,

Erasing all possible masks,

Taking his chance,

Standing up for his beliefs

even when the world stands against.

The Good Man exists

Somehow there is a Good Man in all of us

It’s up to our choice to reveal his face to the world…

The Good Man is not strong as a wall

But he finds himself in an endless war with himself and his demons.

The Good Man is not perfect

But he finds himself in a ceaseless seeking of beauty and harmony.

The Good Man is not holy

But his passions find their roots in his seeking of truth.

The Good Man is there

But you won’t see him if you look for perfection

Being good is nothing easy

It takes patience, faith, trust and love

…for yourself and for the others

It takes Time, Strength and Errors.

The Bad Man is there too

But don’t despise him..

What would the Good Man be without the Bad Man?

The Good Man…

The Good Man is there

Not pure, not perfect, not a saint.

~ ~ ~

© 2008 The Outlaws' Song

Politics....Elections...Politricks

~~ I decided to share this one with you because of two reasons - I think it relates well to the lyrics I chose for my previous post and because the presidential elections are knocking at our door, here, in Romania:)
~~ Enjoy:) And listen again to the song called "Tom Sawyer" by Rush!!
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Compromise
by 2na/ T.O.S.

You think you're free,

But you are slave to their stupidity.

You think you're well,

But you are ruined by their demagogy.

They sell you lies,

They say transition.

Why can't you see it's their ambition

To call like this our crisis?

They want you to choose them

Every time.

But in return they only give you

Promises and lies.

Freedom of speech – You bet you have it!

But only in your mind.

Because in real life you are too coward

To say what's wrong or right

You know your rights but you don't know how

To use them for yourself.

But every four years you learn how

To use them for their wealth.

You go now and choose the one

That you consider the best

Go and put another straw

To his comfortable nest.

All you have is for today

Cause you never know tomorrow.

With them leading you to nowhere

You'll soon see just pain and sorrow.

After choosing your "great" leader

You discover he has sins,

He loves crimes and assassins,

He uses you as toilet paper

Voice of rage you hear now screaming

Inside your ignorant mind

Between those cheap market clones – called politicians

Only the best you can't find.

Of course, now, you start to scream

That you want another leader

With your friends you make a team

REVOLUTION – is what now the best you consider.

Hey, you stupid man

Just turn and look behind your back,

You are the one who chose those men.

Why do you want to break their necks?

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~~Photo by Taxony.

Monday:)

~~ A new week has started and I have absolutely no plan for it. A few errands to run these days, a book to finish reading (Brida by Paulo Coelho) and continue my work on the paper about creativity and art/music therapy.
~~ Wish you all a great new week! Promise to post some poetry this week too:) Till then I'll leave you with a couple of sketches and a song.
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~~Okay ,so drawing birds is not easy at all!! I tried to draw this eagle, after a photography. The come-off of my attempt: a very nice and fluffy eaglo-reptilo-chicken. I'm sure you've never seen one before. I like his head though.


~~ This one is called "The Other Part of Me". It's not very detailed but it's cute, i think.

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~~ I can't say I'm a big Rush fan but i do LOVE this song:) Enjoy:)

"No, his mind is not for rent
To any God or government.
Always hopeful, yet discontent,
He knows changes arent permanent,
But change is."

Warm and Sunny

~~ Wow, I can't believe how fast summer flew away...and I can't believe September is almost gone already...Time flies away so fast!
~~ It's been a nice, sunny and warm week but last night the weather changed. Today hasn't been such a warm, sunny day but rather a cloudy, chilly one...It made me think that winter is actually knocking at out door. And, as much as I love Christmas, I can't forget how much I hate cold and wet weather!!
~~ I decided to share this drawing with you. It's not a new one, actually it is a few years old. I found it among my scrapbooks today and it made me think of winter...probably because of the tarboosh on the bird's head.(I know, that's actually a sleepy crow!)
~~ Wish you a warm and sunny weekend - if not outside, at least in your hearts!

Marvels we are...

~~ I'm doing a paper on creativity and art therapy so I've been reading a lot lately and I came across an excerpt from Pablo Casals' Reflections...What an amazing and most true message this excerpt carries...It really touched me.
~~ I hope you enjoy it as much as I did:)

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"Sometimes I look around me with complete dismay. In the confusion that afflicts the world today, I see disrespect for the very values of life. Beauty is all about us, but how many are blind to it. They look at the wonder of this earth and seem to see nothing. People move about hectically but give little thought to where they are going. They seek excitement for its mere sake, as if they were lost or desperate. They take little pleasure in the natural and quiet and simple things of life. Each second we live is a new and unique moment of the universe, a moment that never was and will never be again.
And what do we teach our children in school? We teach them that two and two make four and that Paris is in France. We should say to each one of them 'Do you know what you are? You are a marvel. You are unique. In all the world there is no other child exactly like you. And look at your body - what a wonder it is! Your legs, your arms, your cunning fingers, the way you move. You may become a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven. You have the capacity for anything.'"
**Joys and Sorrows: Reflections by Pablo Casals

................
~~ What a wonderful translation - lovely!
"Avem frumuseţea în noi, dar cât de orbi suntem! Mulţi oameni privesc minunile acestei lumi şi par să nu vadă nimic. Orice clipă trăită este un moment nou şi unic al Universului, un moment care nu a mai existat niciodată şi care nu se va mai întoarce în veci. Iar noi ne învăţăm copiii la şcoala că doi şi cu doi fac patru şi că Parisul este capitala Franţei. Când vom ajunge oare să-i învăţăm ceea ce sunt?
Fiecărui copil ar trebui să-i spunem: Ştii ce eşti tu? Eşti un miracol. Eşti unic. În întreaga lume nu mai există niciun copil identic cu tine. Au trecut milioane de ani şi milioane de ani vor mai trece, dar niciodată nu va mai exista un alt copil ca tine. Uită-te la trupul tău – cât este de minunat! Picioarele tale, braţele tale, degetele tale îndemânatice, felul în care te mişti! Poţi ajunge un Shakespeare, un Michelangelo, un Beethoven. În tine este toată forţa. Da, eşti un miracol!"
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~~ Have a nice Sunday and don't forget to enjoy every moment!
~~ To learn more about Pablo Casals read here.

Goodbye Patrick....

~~ Ever since I read for the frist time that Patrick Swayze was diagnosed with cancer I have prayed that there was a way for him to be cured. But life is not always mercyful nor fair....
~~ He was one of my favorite actors and "Dirty Dancing" will always be a top 10 fav and so will the song "The Time of My Life":)
~~ Unfortunately Patrick left us yesterday but he didn't go without a fight and that, I think, is a very honorable way to leave this world.
~~ Life is not fair....some people - drunkards, thieves, rapers, liars - get to grow old and die of old age while others like Patrick Swayze, Michael Jackson, Lady Di, or just kids and teenagers die too early killed in cruel accidents, murdered or killed by heavy diseases.
~~ Rest in peace Patrick!
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New....

~~ Here I am, back online and with new drawings:)
~~ I would like to take this time and thank someone I like to call my friend, though deep inside I know we are mere acquaintances. If it wasn't for her beautiful inspiring paintings I would have never started to draw.
~~ Writing and drawing have always been dear to me, ever since I was a child. As a kid I would spend my time writing and re-writing my class notebooks and drawing -- fish, dresses, trees and little houses.
The thought that I was untalented stopped me from taking up drawing/painting classes.
~~ Years later I met this person, this beautiful person who brought back to life my appetite for drawing. Thank you Nic:)
~~ Also I'd like to thank Andra for supporting and encouraging me:)
~~ I know I'm not great at it, I'm not even good at it but it makes me happy to draw so I'll keep drawing....talented or talentless...'cause what's talent after all?

"Talent is the self-discovery and acknowledgement that you possess the interest and motivation needed to become exceptional in a specific area. To find out what a talented person look like, go look in a mirror! With a personal commitment, patience and dedication, you can develop your talent for drawing." (Brenda Hoddinott) ~~ If this is how an amazing, awarded artist thinks like, why would I think any different?!

~~Wish you all a great weekend:)

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~~ "Butterfly"


~~ "I am a Witch"


~~ "I love you BooBoo Bear"


~~ "Purple BooBoo Bear"

Happy B-day, Best Friend!

~~ At some point in the past Andra and I planned to start a business....create, design and sell greeting cards and prints using her photographies and my poems.
We never actually start the business though we had plenty of ideas and materials.
The text designed by me for one of the cards was the following:

__"Our relation has always been special…colorful…unique.

We’ve gathered so many memories over the years…and there’s not one important moment of my life that we didn’t share.

Adventures, misfortunes or raptures we’ve tasted them together and there is no other friendship I cherish more than yours.

You are my closest friend and that is why I need to confess how our friendship translates to me:

Trust

Healing

Affection

Nobility

Kindness

Youth

Oneness

Understanding

for being a true friend!"

~~ Andra might not know but she was my source of inspiration for this text.

~~ Today is her birthday! She turns 21!
Much love to you, girl, and thanks for the awesome day we've spent together!!



~~ PS: Andra, do you remember how we called our business? (l0l)
..............
~~ Visit her blog here

So quietly she lays and waits for sleep

~~I drew this today while listening to the song below. The song is from "Twilight". I watched this movie twice a couple of days ago and was fascinated...I don't know why...I'm not a mellow person but I do like love-stories. And this is what I like in this movie- the love story...and Rob Pattinson's eyes,smile and voice:D
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"Sleep"


............

............
~~ The title of this post is a lyric from "Wait for Sleep" by Dream Theater.

But the rain has brought the night /And the night has brought the rain

~~ I've been drawing a lot lately...I don't know why...I just feel the need to draw...
~~ I'm not feeling so good today -- the weather is disturbingly hot and somehow I feel sad...
I've been listening to the same song over and over in the last 2 days -- maybe it's its lyrics that make me sad...The song is called "I can't seem to make you mine" and is the soundtrack of the movie "The Lake House" (wonderful movie with Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves)
...................................................
~~ Daphne




~~ Just an ordinary girl




~~ Please, unlock me!


..................................

"I can't seem to make you mine
Through the long and lonely night
And I try so hard, darling
But the crowd pulled you away
Through the rhythm and the rain
And the ivy coiled around my hand"

23rd of July 2008...

~~ This story is true and it's one of the memories I hold the dearest:) I wrote it 4 days after the show:)
~~ Words are too poor to express what I felt when I met my heroes...words are also too poor to describe what these people and their music mean to me...I grew up with their lyrics and riffs, I grew up collecting posters and buying their albums. I've loved them since I was 11 and I guess my love for them is endless.
Thank you ,guys! Thank you not only for the music:)
.......................................................

My Met Story

The dark mantle of the night falls down upon the city. The air is chilly and sends shivers to our bodies with each and every breath of wind. The stadium turns out too narrow for the crowd gathered to see the miracle. The crowd -- a herd of untamed beasts, all led by instincts, anxiously awaiting for their dream to become reality.
Their breath – nervously pulled out of their nostrils – turns into warm
steams that raise over the pitch like a gentle transparent rain-coat.
Their voices – rough and loud – lift up to the skies and break the deep silence of the night.
Eventually the miracle begins -- glorious, wonderful -- the pure sounds of “The Ecstasy of Gold” announce that the Gods are ready for the show.
All lights are on and pointing to the stage: “The Four Horsemen” – James, Lars, Kirk and Rob –show up saluting the crowd.

It’s a dream coming true!!!

It’s raining – the Lord’s tears pour on our skins blessing and baptizing the event.
We are soaked but who cares?! In the cold dark air both spotlights and raindrops play in the fiery rhythm of heavy music.
Our voices merge into a spiral of raw beauty and love and pierce through the clouds.
The fireworks and flames coming out of the stage give off a breath of Hell reminding us of the terrifying turmoil of war. Our voices become “One” sending to Heaven the grievance of all heroes dead on the front. The flames fade away in front of our eyes leaving behind tiny sparks that seem to be a million glow-worms gathered round in a mystical worship dance dedicated to the Gods.
Souls, bodies, voices -- they all sing into the night -- they sing the Anthems of Believing in Dreams, of Dedication, of Passion and (Self)Respect, of Perseverance.
Up there on the stage are our Heroes , our Idols, the Ones that we’ve been always looking up to. They are the ones who have taught us not to fear the “Sandman”, the parents who have told us the story of the “Creeping Death”. They are our Angels of Hope, the angels who breathe strength into our lives and “Whiplash” our dreads. They are our teachers and from them we’ve learned how to surpass our weakness, how to “Seek and Destroy” the frustrations. They are our imperfect gods who admit that there’s no righteousness “and Justice for All”.
Somehow, deep down inside our hearts, we know for sure -- the Gods love us just as much as we love them, even if they don’t know our names or faces or language. It’s a feeling that goes from soul to soul and we’ve chosen to let our souls speak tonight.
I raise my head to the sky and feel the pouring rain crash into my face. I lift my hands as in a prayer – a sign of gratitude towards Heaven. The earth is shaking under my feet. I sense the vibrations invading my body, entering every cell, opening each pore. I scream my lungs out, I howl and become one with the ground, one with the air, with the sound – one with the crowd and stage. It’s raw, savage and weird this feeling of losing yourself . I feel my body disintegrating – I’m melting into the crowd and becoming an undistinguishable part of a huge whole.
We share the night together – this ephemeral moment in time – and “Nothing Else Matters”. We’re wet with sweat and rain but we feel “No remorse”, not a bit of despondence.
The Gods teach us how to “Ride the Lightning”, we summon the “Master of Puppets” and ask “For whom the bell tolls”. We shout out loud the “Sad but true” story of the “Sanitarium” then scream the name of our “Harvester of Sorrow” – which is Time, for it flies away too fast and it takes the Gods away from us. But they say “So what? We shall return” and we send each other one “Last Caress” before the lights “Fade to Black”.

It’s over. A dream came true, a miracle happened!

For 24.000 people this is a day of history, a moment when time freezes and the rest of the world stops existing. It’s a moment in time when our hearts pulse with intense happiness and our souls feel the warm embrace of the Universe.

We leave the place although we want and need more. The puzzles of our souls have one piece less now because each and every one of us leaves a drop of their spiritual essence here. Our spirits have been touched by The Four Horsemen:

The Equilibrium and Open – Heartedness (Lars)
The Strength and Pride (James)
The Color and Mildness (Kirk)
The Electricity and Modesty (Rob)

We shall never be the same again!!!!!!!!!

It’s been a miserable day -- all rainy and muddy -- but Metallica have added a drop of gold at the end of it. These Alchemists – who turn into gold everything they touch – are the Heroes of the Day –Every day!!!!!!!

THANK YOU !!!!!

………………………………………………………………………………………………
~~This is the story of the only Metallica concert I’ve ever been to and the one I’ve been dreaming about for the last 9 years of my life.
Words are too poor to express what I’ve felt ; love, respect, admiration, gratitude, humbleness – all of them have mixed up in my heart and become the most beautiful experience I’ve ever lived so far.

~~It’s been 4 days from the show now but the spiral of our reunited spirits and voices is still up in the sky - revolving and piercing through the clouds, shinning in the thick obscure of the night. Our spiral will live forever up there in the infinite grandness of the sky , reminding of the miracle we’ve witnessed on the 23rd of July!

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My door~~

(The Chinese characters -- first row says "Wo ai ni" which means "I love you", second row is the phonetic transcription of my name, Doina )

On my piano..instead of a part~~

10th of July...5 years ago...

~~ My grandpa died 5 years ago...
I remember that day as if it was yesterday. The summer of 2004 was a very hot summer, unnaturally hot. My grandpa was 79 years old and had heart problems. The weather made him feel sick for a couple of days before his heart failed. He was tall and handsome, old and wrinkled on the outside but still young on the inside. He was a kind and childish soul and he loved sweets:D
~~ The night he died it rained like it had never rained before. It felt like the skies broke. Hellish thunders, huge lightnings and bean-sized raindrops and hail.
~~ One day before he passed I payed him a visit...it was the last time I saw him, literally. I remember that I had second thoughts about going to see my grandparents that day as it was so hot.
~~ I never saw his death coming that's why it was a huge shock for me. I went to his funerals but stood outside the chapel.I refused to watch him lying dead in the coffin.
In a way I never had the guts to say good-bye. I hate good-byes!!!
~~ My grandpa taught me how to swing without being pushed, in his hands is where I saw for the first time a bobbin and a rotor, from him I take the love for writing, he taught me what crosswords are and how to use hammers and nails.
~~ The empty place his death left in my heart is now filled with so many dear memories. If I close my eyes I can still hear his voice calling me and feel his huge hand grasping my hand.
~~ My only regret is that he is not here to see how much I've grown...
~~ I love you, grandpa:)Rest in peace beautiful soul!
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Updates

~~ Wow, it's been over a month since I last posted on this blog. I apologize for my absence but it wasn't causeless.
~~ The main reason why I haven't been around much lately is that I dedicated more time to studying. I had a paper to finish and a final exam to pass -- I graduated college.
So now I have a Bachelor Degree in Sociology and Social Work - YAY!!!
~~ I have come to the conclusion that my passion for music has been my savior in many situations (school related). Do you have any idea how many essays about music I wrote for my English class in high-school?!
In college I got an A+ on an essay about asylums. Our English teacher asked us to write and essay based on one of Erving Goffman's books and I chose the one entitled "Asylums". We were also requested to use two more sources and to express our own opinion about the chosen subject. Aside from my own opinion about asylums and the way the inmates are treated, the other two references where Coelho's book "Veronik decides to die" and Metallica's "Sanitarium". The teacher loved my essay so much she gave me an A+:)
~~ Music saved me again this year. In order to graduate we are supposed to write a paper (50-80 pages)and the final exam consists of a 20 mins presentation of the paper+ a couple of questions. My paper is about Emo adolescents and their relationship with their parents - a sociological qualitative research.
~~ Have I ever told you how much I love music and that my life would be so empty without it?!
~~ Anyway aside from college I haven't been doing much. I've read a couple of books ("Chronicle of a Death Foretold" by G.Garcia Marquez, "Madame Bovary" by Gustave Flaubert and some of R. Tagore's poetry) and drawn.
~~ I'm looking forward to going to the mountains with Andra and have some fun:)
Till then I guess I'll just keep myself busy with reading, drawing and housekeeping activities:P

Happy Anniversary to my Inner Child!

~~ 1st of June - Happy Kids Day!
~~ This post is dedicated to all the people who have managed to grow up without killing their inner children. To those of you who keep a young spirit and a childish heart. To those of you who are still able to see the world through the eyes of a child.Happy Kids Day to all of you!
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Youth
by Doina aka T.O.S.

Youth, holiest fairy of all

You embrace my body and dwell inside my soul

You give me wings to fly beyond what my sight reveals

You feed me hope, light and relief.

I am young – my age pours out of every breath I take

I live each day without a care for snow or rain

The sand goes through the hour-glass so slowly

That’s why I don’t mind if in my travel I’m accompanied or lonely.

Life is just opening its doors for me

It’s like I’d have an eternity on this Earth myself to be

I am snail walking through life – I have the time to do so.

To stroll forgotten alleys and listen to the whispers,

To watch the insects and their flight,

To ponder over nothingness.

This is the time when life looks pink

When dreams and hopes can raise and die in a wink

But there is always something new to catch my eye

That’s why I don’t mind if a dream might die.

This Earth is rich and blessed with much abundance

There are so many beauties to be seen, so many wonders!!

Too bad that we forget to watch them with an open heart

And let them bring us peace and bless us with their art!

Somehow I know my eyes give sense to the existence

Of stars and grass and little creature

Because, being a child, I am convinced they matter

I find my place among them – nature’s my alma mater.

I am snail walking through this life – and keep my eyes wide open

I pity those who rush their time and live with hearts so broken.

I praise the art of staying young by keeping alive the secret

Dropping all arms and giving in – remember – it’s not cricket.

Believe in life and keep your faith, don’t let yourselves forgotten

Dance in the grass and smile with the beauty this Earth’s begotten

Sing with the birds and like the Sun don’t lose the hope of raising

And when the time for setting comes accept it stately, without fighting.

But make sure you have spent your time slowly and witty

That you’ve enjoyed the little wonders that are seemingly petty

And if you honestly desire in this life to be happy

Just please remember – happiness is never brought by things that are material or bulky.

Snail-walk with me and keep inside a soul most pure

Snail-walk with me and learn to act at once childish and mature

You see – this is my secret and my truth

Happiness and peace are brought to me by this fairy called so beautifully Youth.

© The Outlaws' Song 2009

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~~ Photo Credit: RowanIris -- see her gallery here

Romanian Again....

~~ Okay, so here I am again posting a poem written in Romanian.
~~ I have tried several times to translate it but no acceptable version came out so far....
~~ Anyway, the title translates as "Shadow". It's a nice poem I wrote many years ago. And this is the quote that got me inspired to write this poem:
"Umbrele seamana, ce-i drept, cu intunericul, dar sunt fiicele luminii" - Lucian Blaga
("Indeed shadows look so much like Dark,but they are actually daughters of the Light")
~~ I remember this quote from the 12th grade. My philosophy teacher had a huge passion for Blaga. I had a huge passion for my philosophy teacher. He still has that passion for L. Blaga....and I might still have a little of that passion for him - what a great/crazy/nice/smart/funny guy!!!!
I remember him talking to me on my Prom night telling me about how he locked up his parents in the basement when he was little. Evil, right?!
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Umbra

by Doina aka T.O.S.

Ai o umbră… Dar spune-mi sincer De câte ori te-ai gândit la rostul ei? Să fie ea doar un efect produs de lumină? Atunci de ce arată a întuneric? Umbra ta arată ca tine… dar nu e copia ta perfectă,nu-i aşa? Te-ai gândit vreodată că poate chiar TU eşti o umbră? Poate că şi tu eşti doar Umbra unui “TU” mai bun…

Port mereu cu mine un desen,
O schiţă întunecată...
O metaforă-ncurcată...
O enigmă încuiată…
Port mereu cu mine un desen…
…o umbră, Umbra Mea.
În fiecare noapte mă gândesc la ea…
Când amurgul matia-şi iveşte
Umbra mea la fereastră mă priveşte,
NICIODATĂ nu mă părăseşte
NICIODATĂ nu se odihneşte.
Când adâncită-s în somnul cel ceresc
Umbra-i soldatul care mă păzeşte
ŞI îmi veghează visul nelumesc.
Neobosită e în drumul ei,
N-o poţi opri oricât să vrei…
Pe ea n-o sperie lumina,
Nici Soarele n-o poate izgoni, nici Luna.
Şi stau şi mă întreb neîncetat
Din ce abis a evadat acest Desen ciudat pictat?
Prin ce minune a alchimiei
S-a născut această Fiică a nebuniei?
Oare-n tărâmul incendiilor păgâne
Să se fi născut acest Monstru fără nume?
Sau sus pe bolta cerului risipit
Să fi răsărit astă Pictură fără chip?
Şi-mi este atât de apropiat
Încât nu doar o dată
A făcut ce fac şi eu
Ci mereu
De scriu, scrie şi ea cu mine,
De ţip la ea, ţipă şi ea la mine,
De strâng din pumn şi-arată tot aşa mania
De râd îşi manifestă-ntocmai veselia
De plâng, văd pe obrazul ei ai suferinţei picuri,
De-am oboist şi nu mai pot, oftează din adâncuri.
Dar într-o seară am întrebat-o
Pentru întâia şi ultima dată:
- Suflare a-ntunericului şi fiică a luminii
De ce-ai venit? De ce nu pleci?
De ce mă chinui?
Dă-mi pace! Pleacă! Hai, nu pleci?!
Şi-atunci, în adâncul serii tomnatice şi reci
S-a petrecut minunea neuitată-n veci
- Dar, vai, mă doare, miracolul e prea puternic
Iar locul umbrei, văd bine acum, este statornic
Căci începând să se desprindă
De trupul ce-i sevise până-atuncea drept oglindă
Umbra-mi provoacă o durere nebunească,
O suferinţă ce urlă-n liniştea lumească.
Simt cum suflarea-mi lunecă din trup,
Cum oasele, unul câte unul, mi se rup
Aud cum trupul începe să-mi trosnească.
Cum mă impart în două lumi:
una a aştrilor, alta drăcească.
Şi cu efortul ultimei suflări reci şi murdare
O strig: “Hei, umbră, întoarce-te, iertare!”
Astfel sora mea geamănă se lipeşte iar de mine…
De atunci mă întreb mereu
Cine e EA?
Cine sunt EU?
Sunt eu EA?
Este ea EU?

© The Outlaws' Song 2006

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~~ Photo credit: ~don-paolo -- see the picture here and his gallery here.

~~ Have a nice weekend!

"21, only son, but he served us well"

~~ Today I celebrate my 21st anniversary.Wow! Time passed so fast. Finally I am "legal" wherever I may go. I know this is a big thing in the U.S. but for us, Romanians, this big thing happen when people turn 18.
~~ Today is not going to be a very special day -- it's Monday and people are busy.
However it will be special because I choose it to be -- it's my birthday!
~~ 3 years ago in the exact same day I was at my prom, graduating high-school.
I turned 18 dressed up like a princess, in a very special place. Prom and birthday in the same night - wow!
~~ As a funny coincidence this is my 21st blog post too. In a few months I've reached 13 followers, aprox. 50 comments and 400 blog views -- it's not much but it is something:):)
~~ I feel proud -- in 21 years of life I have graduated 5 schools - Elementary, High-school, Music School and 2 colleges (actually I am days away from finishing college)- I made my parents be proud of me, I have met interesting people, I have reached some of my dreams, I have made one true friend, I have successfully dealt with weirdos and haters, I have recently fallen in love, I have had my 5 minutes of glory, I have experienced so many feelings and situations, I have seen so many things, I have started this blog and made it work, I have joined poetry sites and made so many new friends.
~~ I am curious about what this life has in store for me!I hope it's gonna be one hell of a ride!
~~ Wish you all a wonderful week!
~~ The text below was initially written for someone else. But since May is the last month of Spring, I guess this text works for me too:D:D
~~ Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...............................
Every Spring Nature rises again and comes back to life...
...Every Spring You finish a chapter of your life and start writing a new one...
Doina, you are a Writer...
...may the pen you hold in your hand write the most beautiful and exciting stories
this year.

You are a Traveler...
...may this 21st road be smooth and out of dead-ends...may you run with the speed of Hell and fly with the wings of Heaven.

You are a Fighter...
...you have as weapons the Strength of your Mind,the Shine of your Heart,the Sparkle of your Imagination and the Wit of your Spirit...may you use these weapons to win all battles, to pass all tests, to cross all boundaries.

You are Human...
...may you be humanly in love with life and with yourself this year...

You are a Flower...
...may you bloom in health, love, joy and happiness this year and every year on the 25th of May!

Happy Birthday!

...........................
~~ It is a little awkward to make b-day wishes for yourself, isn't it?
~~ Anyway, this b-day wish works for anyone born between March and May:) You just need to change the name, the b-day and the number of her/his age.
~~ For those who don't know -- the title of this post is a lyric from a song called Disposable Heroes by Metallica. One of my favs.
~~ Please watch the vid -- it's way too funny:)

....Heavy-Golden-Box

~~ This poem is about Me. I wrote it some time ago..I'm almost 21 yrs old but I still feel the way I felt a few years ago when i wrote this.
~~ People let themselves blinded by appearances.
~~ Don't consider it a lack of modesty:)It's just that I've met too many people who questioned my value and betrayed my trust.That's about it:)
...........................................................

Heavy Golden Box

by Doina aka The Outlaws' Song

I'm just a girl

jailed inside a heavy golden box

I'm trapped under my beauty

I'm locked up with brightness

I'm caged in too much trust

And I'm alone

Jailed inside the heavy golden box

I seed love – harvest envy

I dig for beauty – receive hatred

I sow hope – get vengeance in return.

You are just "robots"

Caught inside your iron shells - so empty inside

You are prisoners of ugliness

You are tied up with wickedness

You are blinded by darkness.

So, you wantonly say

Without even trying to see

She is … cold as ice

… far as stars

… lonely like deserts

… unconquerable like islands

I know

There's no need of a mirror

I seem strong

I look invincible

I appear out of reach.

But no one knows

My golden box is very heavy

No one goes beyond my smile

No one looks behind my strength

No one tries to unlock my core.

And yet … somehow you know

I can be so many things

Now – a free bird

Then – a pure flower

Forever – a blinding ray

… a woman, a child, a human being.

But you are blind

You can't see me down here

Sighing like a hungry child

Craving for love

Calling for attention

Being in need of company

Sometimes

Infinitely deep inside the heavy golden box

… weakness dwells

… distrust grows

… loneliness lingers

… tears drip.

A mystery

That's what I am inside

Hidden by a golden box

Whipped with your hatred

Stifled by your envy

Deafened by your silence

Hurt by your malice.

"Robots"

You dreadful dehumanized fools

You hate my beauty

You envy my brightness

You crush my trust

You are all blinded by nothingness –

That's why you can't stand the mystery

inside this heavy golden box.

© 2007 The Outlaws' Song