sâmbătă, 31 iulie 2010

Now, little girl days have passed/ And I've grown up so fast/ But in your heart that little girl will never be far

My mom and I don’t always get along. Not because she’d be a bad mom or because I would be a bad daughter…but maybe because we are two very different beings. My mom is very hard to please and she gives me the feeling that she’s never satisfied or contempt with what I do – the clothes I wear are not feminine enough, the things I do are not good enough, the things I like are not classy enough, my decisions are never right, the boys I have crushes on are never good enough for me etc.

Maybe it’s just that she finds it hard to adapt to the fact that I’ve grown up and I can be responsible for myself, and I can make my own decisions. However, the fact that she treats me like a 2-year-old kid frustrates me beyond belief. And it also huts me. It also hurts me to see that she doesn’t trust my judgment or, better yet, she doesn’t trust me.

She lives with the conviction that I hide things from her, that I don’t tell her everything, that I don’t share my thoughts and feelings with her. And maybe that’s not totally untrue but it’s not only my fault. The truth is – our relationship has never been great. The one who actually raised me up was my grandma and maybe that’s why I’m not so close to my mom. My grandma is a better friend to me than my mom.

We fight pretty often and usually over stupid little things. Our egos collide with a tremendous shock and, at the end of our fights, we rarely end up reaching consensus. I think our relationship is mostly based on compromise. The paradox is that when we don’t fight, we get along really well…We like the same books, we are amazing shopping partners, we have fun in the kitchen, etc.

The problem is that our fights always make me feel guilty. My mom is not a happy woman, I know that, and making her even sadder and more miserable makes me feel awful. If there’s something I hate that is letting people down and my mom gives me the feeling that she’s disappointed with me – though, I believe she doesn’t really have any reason to be.

Reading this I realize that now you might think poorly of me. It puts me in a bad light, I’m sorry. I don’t usually open up like this but today I really felt the need to vent out.

duminică, 18 iulie 2010

J'irai chercher ton coeur si tu l'emportes ailluers

~~ I LVE this song so much :)

"J'ai compris tous les mots, j'ai bien compris, merci
Raisionnable et nouveau, c'est ainsi par ici
Que les choses ont changé, que les fleurs ont fané
Que le temps d'avant, c'était le temps d'avant
Que si tout zappe et lasse, les amours aussi passent

Il faut que tu saches

J'irai chercher ton coeur si tu l'emportes ailleurs
Même si dans tes danses d'autres dansent tes heures
J'irai chercher ton âme dans les froids dans les flammes
Je te jetterai des sorts pour que tu m'aimes encore

Fallait pas commencer m'attirer me toucher
Fallait pas tant donner moi je sais pas jouer
On me dit qu'aujourd'hui, on me dit que les autres font ainsi
Je ne suis pas les autres
Avant que l'on s'attache, avant que l'on se gâche

Je veux que tu saches

J'irai chercher ton coeur si tu l'emportes ailleurs
Même si dans tes danses d'autres dansent tes heures
J'irai chercher ton âme dans les froids dans les flammes
Je te jetterai des sorts pour que tu m'aimes encore

Je trouverai des langages pour chanter tes louanges
Je ferai nos bagages pour d'infinies vendanges
Les formules magiques des marabouts d'afrique
J'les dirai sans remords pour que tu m'aimes encore

Je m'inventerai reine pour que tu me retiennes
Je me ferai nouvelle pour que le feu reprenne
Je deviendrai ces autres qui te donnent du plaisir
Vos jeux seront les nôtres si tel est ton désir

Plus brillante plus belle pour une autre étincelle
Je me changerai en or pour que tu m'aimes encore."

duminică, 11 iulie 2010

She loves me

~ I usually visit my grandma on weekends. I enjoy every minute spent with her. She is probably the strongest and wisest person I have ever met and I love her tremendously.
Nothing is more precious to me than her voice calling me "sweetheart" and I know that there won't be many persons in this lifetime that will tell me a more sincere or a more intense "I love you".
~ She also cooks the best food in the whole wide world. I wouldn't need any fancy, expensive, exotic food if I had one dish made by her.
~ She is my friend, my counselor, my mom, my grandma. There's not one topic we can't discuss - we talk girls stuff, politics, books.
~ Her life was very tumultuous, she's been through more stuff than most people go through in a lifetime - that's probably why she gives the best pieces of advice. She also has a great intuitive ability and she "reads" people easily.
~ She is also the person I respect the most - for all that she is, for her strength, for all the efforts she made to raise me and my brother up, for all the good things she made out of nothing.
~ I love you, granny :)

As beautiful as this song....that's how beautiful my grandma is.