
~~ The safest place...

Te uiţi în oglinda
şi vezi doar durere.
Priveşti în jur
dar nu-ţi poţi face o părere
Ar trebui să ţipi
apoi să fugi să şi să dispari
Văd! Te-ai destrămat
Dar nu mai ştii să te repari.
Eşti prizonier banal
al cotidianului nemilos
Nu mai simţi decât durere,
eşti mereu invidos.
Treci mereu grăbit prin viaţă
fără a realiza ceva
Treci grăbit prin toate
fără măcar a învăţa.
Te uiţi în jurul tău
nimic nu are rost.
Te uiţi la flori
şi-ţi zici că n-au folos.
Priveşti spre cer
gândind că-i prea noros
Vezi un copil
şi-ţi pare prea gălăgios.
Guşti marea
şi spui că-i prea sărată
Zăreşti o stea
şi îţi şopteşti că-i prea îndepărtată.
Nimic nu-i bun,
eşti mereu nemulţumit
Ai uitat de mult
cum e să fii fericit
Devii treptat
o fiinţă tot mai rece.
Mori câte puţin
cu fiecare zi ce trece
Te încrezi în simţuri
dar ele te înşeală
Fiecare secundă înseamnă
pentru tine o nouă greşeală
Eşti o umbră în viaţă,
un sărman cadavru rătăcit.
Eşti o epavă putrezită,
un anonim cavou nelocuit.
Nu găseşti puterea
să crezi în feţi – frumoşi sau în balauri
Te-ncununezi acum
cu ai banalului spinoşi lauri
Nu poţi lăsa să intre
inocenţa ce îţi bate la uşă neîncetat
Te crezi înţelept
şi te afunzi în absurd neînfricat.
Nu mai poţi crede
în visuri tangibile
Te gândeşti mereu
la himere incredibile.
Nu mai vezi frumuseţea.
Nu mai simţi dulceaţa
Nu mai distingi armonia.
te îngroapă încontinuu ceaţa.
Victima a absurdului
în care singur ai intrat,
i-ai închis uşa inocenţei,
copilăria singur ţi-ai furat.
Eşti demn de milă
şi îmi provoci cumplită silă.
Eşti un copil mort
într-o carapace de adult,
Un robot stricat
ce nu – şi găseşte locul pe Pământ.

~~ Aki & Luka and the Fire of Life by S. Rushdie ~~
~~ A Farewell to Arms by E. Hemingway ~~
She lived her life quietly but in her heart she knew that at some point something special would happen.
God didn’t give her a perfect, wealthy family, nor did He give her a castle but what He gave her instead was her beauty – the simplest and most natural kind – a vivid imagination that allowed her thoughts to fly and a good mind. He gave her a healthy body and a vulnerable spirit that would tremble to the smallest of this Earth’s sufferings. But beyond all these, her most precious gift was her Smile – yes, God gave her the kindest and goofy-est smile so when she smiled the ones around her couldn’t but smile back to her.
This girl believed in dreams and in fairytales, she thought Christmas was the most beautiful holiday there was and she still believed in Santa, because she thought that Santa, as well as God, dwell inside each and every one of us. This girl loved butterflies and ladybugs, she thought flowers were God’s most wonderful invention and music was her most favorite language.
Yet, she still had many lessons to learn. The gingerbread walls hid her well and kept her away from the ugliness of the world. Her old parents knew how vulnerable she was so they did their best to protect her and raised her up holding her as you would hold a crystal ball that needs the most special attention in order not to get broken.
So everywhere they took her she was one of the best children, got high marks, learned well, was a good pupil, read a lot, learned to play the piano but as she grew she became more and more curious about the world… Unprepared, used to the unconditional love of her family, used to the warmth of her home she began her adventure. She thought people were essentially good, she believed there was something good in all of them and she lived with the conviction that her goodness would only be repaid with goodness…But she was wrong….
She put her heart in the hands of strangers and believed in every word they said. She though that as long as she wouldn’t harm them she wouldn’t get hurt. But they only squeezed her heart until it was broken and then they threw it away.
She lost her confidence, she got disappointed, she lost the ability to trust and to believe…
She would still believe in God and in His plan for her, she would still believe in the power of goodness. She kept the faith that all people can be good and that positive energy draws positive things. She just wouldn’t let her heart shine like she used to do. She wouldn’t let the others see her heart so that no one could harm it.
She would still be nice to the people around her but she built a wall so that they couldn’t get too close and somehow she pushed them away…..
She hid her fears, her frustration, her lack of trust, her tears behind this wall so that people would think she was strong and confident and impossible to be hurt….What a lie!
But one day something happened…. she didn’t pray for it, she didn’t wish for it to happen…it simply happened…Destiny brought him in her life just like that, without any explanation. He was a charming man, the “beast” she’d been waiting for, a knight…Unfortunately this knight lived in a sort of “Far far away kingdom”…Smart, brave, funny, cute, sometimes childish, sensitive…he conquered her heart and she didn’t even notice it. It happened fast. His words put a spell on her and broke down her wall. Flowers and beautiful trees started to grow roots on the place where the cold wall used to be and wonderful butterflies and bees and ladybugs invaded her heart. She began to dream and believe again. She felt that that was the moment she’d been waiting for all her life – her little miracle, her little “something special”.
He was special, he was her fairytale but beyond all these he was her “lesson of love”.And, ohh, what a lesson it was. There were so many things about love she didn’t know. She had to learn that love is patient, caring, tender and giving. She had to learn that love is not selfish, that love thinks for “two”. She had to learn that love means trust and understanding. She had to learn to wait and trust. She had to learn that love is kind and she had to give him a chance …. a chance to give her an explanation, a chance to prove her that his words were not mere lies, a chance to let him show his love.
Always trapped between the voice of her heart and the voice of her head, there was always a battle going on inside of her, so she had to LEARN how to control her duality and she had to bring this fight to an end. So she had to pick a winner, make a decision and stick with it.
When her head said “you should come first on his list of priorities” her heart said “you know and you understand his situation and love is about “us”, not only about “me”".
When her head said “he abandoned you” her heart said “believe in his words and in his promises”.
When her head said “he should have protected you” her heart answered “you are not for everybody a crystal ball..some may see you like this, some may not, you must accept them as they are and you must protect yourself from breaking”.
Where there was disappointment her heart replaced it with faith, where there was doubt her heart sat in peace and waited for a nice surprise. When her mind felt abandoned, her heart chose to believe in his words and in God’s plan for her.
Her heart won, she chose to believe, hope and wait.
But him? What about him?
Well.. it’s not simple to build bridges between distant shores and it’s not easy to build bridges between two hearts that beat so far away from each other. And how do you convince a heart to love what she cannot see or feel? If he just gave up on her, she would understand.
And if, after all, this would prove itself to be a simple happening in her life and not that “something special” she’d been waiting for, then she would just choose to learn. And a lesson learned is nothing but a step closer to God, closer to perfection."